i dont write how i really feel anymore.. i judge what i say because i think it sounds the same as any shit ive ever said that was meaninful to me before.. but there is so much more, bubbling up inside of me.. i just dont know or feel like i know how to put it down into words anymore.. i do much better when im in the presence of people saying what i mean and just being myself. there is so much to a persons presentation of theirselves that can only be experienced face to face.. i feel a lot of things. i really really mean a lot of things. i dont want to be vulnerable anymore when i tell someone that i think the world of them.. and i dont want to leave those things unsaid either. marriage seems to have this effect on most people where they think since they have that person they can treat them any way they feel and say hurtful things because theyll always be around.. love is hard to come by in friendships and relations of all sorts, so these gifts should be recognized as an accentuation of yourself that you are blessed to have.. and put to use in a way that means something towards what you and that person are becoming.. every moment you are able to take in a breath, brush your teeth and ride a bicycle is a time for you to make a decision how you are going to make use of yourself and your time and your capabilities and know whether or not youre grateful to have that.. because that wife of yours tells you what she means because she means it.. maybe you are the best thing since chicken wings, but know what you have.. look again. that beautiful song, that slam poetry you listen to and that minute of laughter where your belly aches or those giggles that make your face flush all up, even the fact that youre crying your heart out over that man that just wont love you for what youre becoming and what you are is a divine point in your existence meant to be taken into consideration, not taken advantage of or completely disregarded. i feel lost in a world where i know what i want and just dont have.. i feel amazingly empowered at the same time that i am able to feel such grief, if that makes any sense. i know there are folks i just cant trust or count on and i know my words will not always be heard, but im putting myself out there just enough so that my existence is known.. if its so easily brushed off, i still have that sensation that i did something for you and i both. i will forgive a thousand times.. i will cry and taste the joys and pain of this infinite spectrum of humanity.. the poverty and abuse and turmoil and youth of our newborn moments each time and i will not tear you or he or she down for what you do with your time.. love you and create music with our interactions because sometimes, all the time, that is all we have. moments. i feel both confined and liberated. your acknowledgment of me or total disrespect will ultimitely make me more of what i am.. and i see peices of me in you.. every time we say hello and goodbye and just.. say nothing at all. it tears me down and builds me up again. i want you to know your worth. i want you to show me the movements you are making in your own moments. give yourself the power to have those thigns you know you need. your sorrows and those epiphanies you have had and will have are what pump through every capillary in that beautifully molded sculpture you were given for dwelling. respect it. love it. show us what you are.. know what you desire. feel the beat of that mystical drum, and make a dance out of the way you are. the way you are. take in the friend when you hold her hand. when she holds your face. speak what you mean. live the way you let yourself seem. look inside the box. and out of it. step outside of the comfort zone to do it right next time. never regret a lesson learned. love the world as you love yourself, and you live a full existence.